Random thoughts and happenings

I love being a mom. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love ever minute of it and having Sadie in our lives has brought so much joy and happiness. She loves to smile and when she smiles I can't help but smile.

The past couple of weeks have been crazy. Crazy with a capitol C. It all started two weeks ago which was the week of tests and dr. appointments for Sadie. These tests I had been dreading since I was 32 weeks pregnant and found out Sadie's kidney had blockage and she would probably need surgery to correct them. Well the time had come and we carted Sadie into primary childrens for tests. I cried as I loaded her in the car and said a quick prayer that she would be comforted as these uncomfortable and invasive tests took place. I had no idea the tests would take an hour and felt like the worst mother ever as my hungry baby was given an IV and stuck with a catheter. She screamed and I cried again. Reid grabbed my hand and told me it was for the best, but I just wanted to pick up my little baby and run the heck out of there! We watched on the screen as they pumped radioactive material into her little kidneys and could see one kidney noticably larger. Sadie was a trooper and though her little legs and arms were pinned down she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

Two days later we went to the pediatric urologist and got the results from her tests. Her kidney is swollen and retains the fluid but eventually drains. Which was the best news I had ever heard in my life. This meant no surgery for baby Sadie. I really tried to fight back tears but they overcame me as they always do. Months and months of prayers from not only us but family and friends for her little kidney and it turned out to be ok. If that's not a testimony builder than I don't know what is.

That weekend Reid blessed Sadie in our ward, surrounded by friends and family. She is one loved little girl. It was a beautiful blessing and a great day. Stressful times with the multitudes of family and our house has a few bruises but completley worth it.

This past weekend we went to MN to watch Chris and Lisa get married (Reid was the best man). It was a beautiful ceremony- fitting for such a beautiful and sweet couple. We wish them all the best. Sadie did amazing on her first flight, which is good because she will be doing a lot of that.

It's time to get back in the swing of things for only a week before we head to celebrate Christmas with my family in Las Vegas. It's good to be here and to be alive. I'm grateful for all of our blessings.

I was tagged on FaceBook

What are your middle names?

Cameron and Leigh

How long have you been together?
five and half years

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
three months

Who asked who out?
It was all Reid... I wasn't about to chase him around

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Reid's definitly.

Do you have any children together?
yup the cutest baby named Sadie.

What about pets?
No, if it were up to me I would but Reid hates animals.

Did you go to the same school?
Yes we went to the same college that is how we met.

Who is the most sensitive?
I'm definitly the most sensitive in this family.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We don't really eat out. Unless we are on vacation.

Where is the furthest you have ever traveled as a couple?
the Bahamas and Alaska

Who has the worst temper?
I wouldn't say neither of us have a temper we just definitly lose patience with one another.

Who does the cooking?
Me. But since the baby was born Reid has taken up two nights a week "cooking".

Who is more social?
Neither of us. With work, our businesses, baby, church and traveling we don't have that much time but it's totally a cop out.

Who is the neat freaks?
Reid more so than me but we both like a clean house.

Who is the most stubborn?
We both are and about different things.

Who hogs the bed?
Depends, ususally Reid but when I was preggo the bed was mine.

Who wakes up earlier?
Well.... do you mean for the day? If so Reid but I wake up at 5 am for Sadie to feed so...

Where was your first date?
Spiderman 2 the movie.

Who has the bigger family?
Reid- he has four sisters. I have one brother and one sister.

Do you get flowers often?
Never. Reid knows I would rather have sweets.

Who eats more?
Reid although I rivaled him while pregnant.

Who sings better?
Me.

Who does the laundry?
We both do

Who's is better with the computer?

Reid is a computer genius although I'm not too bad myself.

Who drives when you are together?
Always Reid- he can't stand my driving.

Who picks where you go to dinner?
We share that task.

Who is the first one to admit when they are wrong?

Whoever is wrong at that particular moment, and we share that pretty equally.

Who wears the pants in the relationship?
I'd say we both have one leg in the pants.

Who eats more sweets?
We are both guilty of that, but I buy more and bake more sweets.

Who cries more?
I've seen Reid cry like four times total. I cry everyday.

What's your best day together?
Our wedding day used to be our best day but now it would be Sadie's birthday.

Where did you honeymoon?
Cabo San Lucas

Favorite date night?
what's that? haha I wish we had more time for such things... but probably temple night.

Favorite TV show to watch together?
The Office and 30 Rock

Couple I imagine us growing old like?
uhhhhh

I tag everyone! Your turn!

Reflections on motherhood...

Leaving the hospital after Sadie was born was hard…really hard. More than that it was surreal. It had all happened so fast and I couldn’t really get a grip that she was here and I was a new mother. I was expecting Sadie to come late. Her original due date was October 10 and I expected her to come on October 18. She was born two days early. So my nesting wasn’t quite complete and I wasn’t all that ready to not be pregnant anymore. I loved being pregnant. I wasn’t one of those woman that complained of the pains and not being able to sleep. I loved feeling all of her movements and I felt secure knowing she was safe in there.

But all of a sudden, it was time to leave the safety of the hospital and become a real mom. It was too much. So I cried. I cried a lot. I cried as I packed up my belongings, I cried as we changed her out of the hospital clothes into her going home clothes, and I cried as Reid carried her in her car seat out to the car. I was a mess.

The real problem was that to me leaving the hospital was synonymous with her turning eighteen, going to college and getting married. I figured if this all happened so fast then her growing up was going to happen so fast. And I loved my little baby. I had never felt anything so powerful before and it really frightened me. To look at something so pure and innocent and know I was responsible for teaching and guiding her? Yikes. She had just come from being with her Heavenly Father and I brought her into this scary world, how could I protect her? How could I make sure she would be able to get back there? It was all too much.

It doesn’t help that everyone tells me to enjoy the newborn phase because it goes by so fast. I don’t want it to go by so fast. She is beautiful and I love her being so little. So I have made sure to enjoy every little newborn moment with Sadie. When I change her diaper I kiss every one of her newborn toes. During our night feedings after I have nursed her and she has fallen back to sleep in my arms I take that extra time to stare at her, kiss her and cuddle her. Because someday when she does turn eighteen and I’m dropping her off at college, I want to remember that I took the time to admire and adore her as my little baby. I have the rest of my life to sleep. For now all I want is my newborn cuddles.

Sadie Grace's birth story

I love reading other people’s birth stories. I find them to be inspiring and beautiful. I decided to share Sadie’s story only because I feel it necessary since I read so many others. I do want to throw caution to the wind and inform you I write this not as a horror story because there was nothing horrific about the way Sadie Grace entered into the world. It was spiritual and perfect in every way. Just like her. I also do not look for sympathy because if asked to I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. The biggest thing I learned is nothing happens according to plan.

It all started on Tuesday morning around 3 am when I awoke to what I was sure was my water had broken. I waited around a few hours then called my midwife around five. I told her I wasn’t sure- but I think my water had broken. She asked if I was having contractions and I said no. She mentioned I should wait a few more hours and then head to the hospital to be checked out. I awoke Reid an hour later and let him know. We packed up all our stuff, took a shower and headed to the hospital. After a little bit of paper work, my midwife and another nurse ran a few tests. The tests were inconclusive. Meaning that half said my water had broken but half said they didn’t. My midwife gave me the choice to either be induced or go home and wait for real labor. I really wanted my labor to be as natural as possible and since I wasn’t strep b positive and she could feel the bag of waters still in tact- we both felt ok waiting it out.

About two hours after I got home contractions started. They were mild for the most part, never increased in intensity and were never consistent. Because of this we decided it was false labor. I talked to my midwife that night when she called to check on me and she said it could be because of the tests irritating things. I was able to fall asleep Tuesday night but was woken up on Wednesday morning at 3 am with contractions that I couldn’t talk through. I worked through them on my own and timed them thanks to my iphone app. They were strong but still inconsistent. At 5 am they woke Reid up and he helped me through them for the next couple of hours. I told him I was going to take a shower to see if they would go away and lied to him that they did so he wouldn’t stay home for another day of false labor. The contractions continued all day and were intense but inconsistent going five mins apart to seven to thirteen and back to five. Because I was told to wait until they were 3-5 minutes apart I thought I was still in false labor.

That night they got more intense. I would say on the pain scale of at least eight. Though they never became regular. I labored by myself that night downstairs because I didn’t want to wake Reid up. Going on my third night of no sleep I drew myself a bath until I couldn’t last anymore and called out to Reid to get my phone. I talked to the midwife on call and told her what was happening. She said it was obvious I was in pain and to head to the hospital and I would probably be surprised at how far along I was. Reid, his mom and I got ready and jumped into the car. After getting settled in a room the nurse strapped me down- which was awful because I labored much better standing up and rocking- and checked me. I was devasted to find out I was only 1 cm- which I had been for a week. The first nurse was kind of rude and acted like I was a wuss for coming in in such pain and only being at a 1. Luckily it was shift change and a nicer more understanding nurse came in. She moved me to a room with a Jacuzzi tub and let me labor in there for awhile. The midwife on call came in and said that since I had been in labor for 44 hours and wasn’t progressing I could either go home and take meds, or I could get an epidural and have the baby today. I burst out crying because neither of the options were what I wanted to hear. I couldn’t bear the thought of another day of labor that didn’t go anywhere. But I really desired a natural birth. After talking it over with Reid we decided to go with the epidural and have the baby.

An hour later I got my epidural, my wonderful midwife Sandae came in (on her day off!) and checked me and broke my water. An hour later she came back and checked me and I was at a five. Because I was progressing they kept me on the lowest level of pitocin. Two hours later she came back and said if I wasn’t at a seven then they would up the pitocin. She checked me and I was a ten and said time to have the baby! I remember looking over at Reid and he looked pale like he couldn’t believe it was already time. An hour and a half of pushing my sweet baby girl was laid into my arms and for the first time I got to look into my baby’s eyes. Per my request they did the initial pediatric exam of Sadie while she was laying across my chest. It was beautiful and she was beautiful.

Later while they were cleaning up a nurse leaned over to me and said- you are lucky to have Sandae as your midwife. Most doctors wouldn’t hesitate to cut an episiotomy but your midwife took great care of you. I knew that going into it and because of my midwife I only had four small stiches. My recovery was quick and not painful. I want to mention to every woman out there that you have options. If you take the time to write a birth plan and choose a provider that will honor them, you can have birth the way you wish. I wish more people would give midwifes a chance. You don’t have to go to an OB unless you are a high risk pregnancy. Midwifes offer better care, are more personal, and will stay with you while you labor and can I mention a lot cheaper. Had I gone naturally without medication my midwife would have labored with me. What doctor comes in on their day off to deliver your baby and take great care to make sure your wishes are fulfilled? I challenge you to do your homework. Even if you don’t want a natural birth.

Although things didn’t happen the way I wanted them to, Sadie’s birth was perfect. And even though I didn’t get the full natural birth I wanted (even though technically I went through three natural births with 44 hours of unmedicated labor) I can’t remember the pain because now I hold my sweet baby girl and realize I would do it all over again.

Reasons you may not have seen me lately

So... I wish I had more to blog about. Seriously, I do. I pretty much don't leave the house anymore. I mean why bother? I work from home, which is almost as awesome as it sounds except I do get lonely sometimes. I guess in about a week or so the loneliness will turn to crazy sleep deprived mom with an uber cute newborn. Whatever.

It's really good I don't leave my house though because none of my clothes fit. I don't say this to solicit sympathy it's just a fact. Maternity clothes are too small and I do try to snag my husbands clothes every now and then when I must leave the house to take out the trash or go on a much needed walk. Although pretty sure I won't allow that to happen ever again because one day last week it was pretty late and Reid and I headed out to get a little fresh air and I looked filthy with some mismatched outfit that consisted of one of Reid's shirts that don't worry was too small for me, some nasty blue pants, and pink and white sneakers. In my head I thought- noone will be out at this time no big deal. Wrong. Everyone and thier dog (literally) were out. And it's not bad enough that these people are my neighbors but hello, I live in Utah so they are in my ward too. Of course they were nice and polite but secretly in their heads they wondered where I stashed my spaceship. Oh well, you win some you lose some!

In random news: here is a nasty picture of my foot. I was about to go around the neighborhood posting signs for my missing ankle but this will do. The really awesome part about this is my other foot was completely normal!

Hooray for Fall!

I seriously cannot believe that Fall is here! Which is both scary and exciting all at the same time. Baby is due in two and a half weeks. We had a crazy summer that was both busy and fun and now we are just settling down to hibernate for a few months with a brand new baby. It should be a nice break but I'm excited for spring when we can get crazy again and travel, although it will be different traveling with an infant.

Summer revolved around traveling, hockey, working, swimming, boating, getting bigger (much bigger), and surviving.

Surviving has been key and I only guess that it will continue to be the case for the rest of the year. We have faced many challenges this year as a little family but our faith has remained strong if not grown. I'm so grateful for the gospel and the blessings that come from being a part of it.

P.S. still no baby name. I guess with only two weeks left we should probably get on that right?

Four Years

Are you kidding me? Where has this time gone? Yesterday we celebrated our four year wedding anniversary. So in tribute of a loving Mr. F here are some photos.

This is what we looked like five summers ago when we met:

Ignore Jill and the fact that I look 12 (I was really 19 and he was 21) and the fact that we didn't always look like this- it was warped tour and there you have it.

Then Flash forward to this summer five years later and we look like this:

Yes, quite the difference. Almost comical.

And now for the quintessential wedding picture from four summers ago:


I didn't even look at our photos or video this year. It's hard to look at yourself as a size two being whatever size I am, which I don't know because preggo pants don't come in numbers. I do love my Mr. F. He brought me home four chocolates and told me to savor each one just as I did the years we were married. I told him I can't wait till our 25th so I get 25 chocolates.